BIGGIE'S PLACE

BIGGIE’S 10 FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2014
in A-B-C order

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10. 

FIVE OTHER FAVORITES:  22 JUMP STREET, EDGE OF TOMORROW, ENEMY, LOCKE, X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

MAY I ALSO RANDOMLY RECOMMEND?  CITIZENFOUR, DEAR WHITE PEOPLE, A MOST WANTED MAN, STRETCH, ST. VINCENT

THE 5 WORST MOVIES I SAW IN 2014
in A-B-C order

Key words being that I saw. I’m sure there were many films worse than these, but I typically don’t bother seeing movies I know I’m gonna hate. I believe the Vulcans would call that “logical”.

1. 

I absolutely hate doing this because I worship Paul Thomas Anderson. Unfortunately though, this movie just wasn’t made for me. The plot is sloppy, nothing interesting ever happens, and the characters were speaking in a language that couldn’t possibly have been English, despite the fact that all of the individual words spoken can be found in an English dictionary. This is the epitome of why I never enjoy druggie movies, hippie movies, or most party movies set in the 70’s. And when you put all of those ingredients into one pot, you get Inherent Vice, and you get me looking at the clock on my phone more often than I was looking at the screen, begging for it to be over. Despite this whiff at the plate, I have lost zero faith in PTA’s abilities. After all, there has still not been a better movie made by ANYONE since There Will Be Blood in 2007.

2. 

Holy fucking shit, what a mess. I didn’t expect to enjoy this movie, but I never imagined it would be bad, let alone atrocious. I only saw it out of a sense of duty because of all the nominations it was piling up within the industry. Perhaps they got to see a different version out in L.A. In the cut I saw, the music sucks, the story is buffoonery incarnate, and the performances are lame and annoying. Not even the cuteness of Anna Kendrick could save it. If ever you needed proof that Meryl Streep gets nominated for awards now just because she’s Meryl Streep, this is the shining example on the hill. But hey, at least the title is accurate! It’s 2 hours of boring characters running around in a forest doing stupid shit while singing.

3. 

A complete and utter misfire for Seth MacFarlane, who decided that playing himself, speaking 2014 English, would actually work in an old west story. I don’t know that I laughed more than twice during the entire thing. Perhaps it was arrogance after the runaway success of Ted that made him think, “I can literally do anything and people will love it.” Thankfully, that was not the case. Even if you’re the biggest Family Guy fan in the world, you should hate this movie.

4. 

I knew I was going to loathe this, but I watched it one boring night at work out of morbid curiosity just to find out why it did so well at the box office (and why we’re getting a fucking sequel). It was every bit as bad as I expected. If I could force 5 people in Hollywood into early retirement starting today, Kevin Hart might be at the top of that list (it’s a close call between him and the aforementioned Luc Besson). Dude has yet to have a starring role in a movie I’ve enjoyed, and I am sick to death of his shtick without even seeing most of his movies. Even the most popular comedians will often make SOME effort to do something different from role to role. Not Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart reads a script, and to him his character’s name is “Kevin Hart” and all the dialogue is, “Whatever Kevin Hart would say.”

5. 

I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself with these movies, but I went out and paid actual currency to see yet another Transformers abomination. Michael Bay (and writer Ehren Kruger, who probably deserves equal blame for writing or co-writing all 3 of the TF sequels) somehow managed to do even worse here than on Revenge of the Fallen (that’s the second one). Age of Extinction is the worst, dumbest, least comprehensible Transformers movie yet. That’s quite an accomplishment. But hey, explosions, BRUH. Bay has once again declared he doesn’t want to come back for the inevitable 5th TF movie, but until I read that another director has officially signed on, I’m assuming Bay will chase those Transformers million$ once again in a couple years. For now, enjoy Everything Wrong with Transformers: Age of Extinction, which the guys at Cinema Sins had to split into 2 parts because of just how awful the movie is. These are two of the funniest videos I watched all year, and they’re light years better and funnier than the film they mock:

It’s a shame this geektastic moment was wasted on such a terrible movie.

Ok, this was cool. Top 10 Michael Bay explosion for sure.

MOVIES I REALLY WANTED TO SEE, BUT DIDN’T FIND THE TIME TO PRIOR TO FINISHING THIS PIECE:  THE BABADOOK, BIG HERO 6, CALVARY, THE CAPTIVE, THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY, FRANK, GET ON UP, KILL THE MESSENGER, LIFE ITSELF, THE ROVER, TOP FIVE

And that’s a wrap on 2014, folks! Thanks again for reading, and as always, if you made it all the way to the end, me love you long time. I spend at least 24 combined hours putting this post together every year, and the goal is always to make it equal parts entertaining and informative. If you check out just one of the above recommendations based on my enthusiasm, I consider this a successful endeavor. In the words of Bill Belichick, we’re on to 2015, which could be anybody’s ball game come next awards season. We finally get a new Spielberg movie later this year, I’m uber excited for Avengers: Age of Ultron, and even more excited to see J.J. Abrams’ attempt to bring some much needed redemption to Star Wars in December. It’s early in the year, all things are still possible, and that’s pretty damned cool if you ask me.

RANDOMSUPERHAPPYFUNTIME!!!

Why stop there?

Beantown looking beautiful in The Equalizer.

Sheeeeee-it.

Second-coolest edit of the year.

Do you even lift, Bradley?

Click for the full-size version of the Snowpiercer train layout.

One of the great revelations of 2014: Jennifer Lawrence can sing!

Calm down, bro.

Weeeeeee!

Just Jessica Chastain owning the red carpet. Again.

O HAI, Felicity Jones.

And some more Eva Green. I love this woman [NSFW incoming!]:

I knew you’d like that, Christoph.

Who’s crazier, Amazing Amy or Koba?

Frank F’N Grillo.

Maybe the coolest single sound effect of 2014.

Sucks to be him.

[SPOILERS!] I fucking love how Smaug’s death was executed:

Fight over. FATALITY.

Vin Diesel being awesomely nerdy at the Guardians premiere.

Official title of the third Apes film?

Under the skin.

Unfortunate marquee letter placement.

Jillian Bell in 22 Jump Street may be the funniest performance of 2014:

And here are ALL of the Jump Street sequels proposed during the hilarious credits sequence at the end of 22:

Stanley Tucci: the one actor worth a damn in TF4.

Literal Drax made me LOL.

After all the hype and controversy, The Interview was not a good movie, but it was very funny at times:

Unlikely. Actually, I bet the fucker has seen it.

I love that these two are best buddies.

Yep, that’s a bloodsicle.

10/31/1950 – 3/4/1994

And finally, because I’m a Patriots fan and still floating in the clouds after Super Bowl XLIX, here’s Richard Sherman watching his world collapse: